IN AMERICA: Boy do you smell delicious!

Jun 10, 2023

“How was work Pete? I thought you were coming home hours ago.”

“I’m fine, I just got stuck running food because we were shorthanded. By the way I had a blast. The staff were fun and the place was jumping, but I’ll be the first to say, I’m not as young as I used to be. My legs ache and my back is on fire.”

I’m chatting with Anne in my kitchen at home after I worked a dinner rush at my place downtown. I was called in because, well, there was no one else left to call, and yada yada yada, the buck stops here.

I’m looking pretty ragged because I’ve been hauling food out of a hot kitchen, bussing tables on a hot day, and basically sweating my way through a dinner rush, when she comes over and gives me a hug to say welcome home.

And then she gives me a sniff, steps back and looks at me with a big smile on her face.

You know why?

Because I smelled like French fries.

Folks, when I was a young man, my first girlfriend wore a perfume called White Shoulders. I don’t remember much about all of the movies or parties or whatnot we did way back then, but I definitely remember she smelled terrific.

Being young and impressionable, I tried out the stuff that guys would wear back in the 1970s that was guaranteed to “drive the women wild.” Old Spice, Brut, Musk for Men, and Hai Karate all were tried and promptly discarded because none of that stuff worked for me. I didn’t like them, I felt ridiculous spritzing on cologne, but I gave it a shot anyway because, well, advertising said I should.

So there.

When I was in my 20s I would be out with the guys to see a band or maybe having a drink in a nice bar and I’d get a whiff of some aftershave or cologne or whatever they were wearing and think, “Yeah, I don’t get it.”

That’s not to say I don’t understand the power of scent. I do. I’ve just learned what works for me might be different than what works for the next guy.

It turns out when I cook over an open fire and smell like wood smoke and melted butter I’m more likely to get a comment from Anne than if I try a new shampoo.

I definitely get a bigger smile when I’m coming into the house from the grill and smell like fresh cooked burgers and roasted corn than when I test drive a new deodorant.

And I can tell you from experience that when I make homemade French fries in my Cuisinart fryer that I’m way more popular than if I try a different body wash soap.

I’m thinking that there’s some money to be made with this insight into smells. Maybe I’ll go on “Shark Tank” and talk with the folks about backing me. I’m thinking Mark Cuban might be the one for this pitch.

And here it is: Maybe instead of some manly scent like burnt leather, a better way for a guy to attract a date would be a spray that smelled like pizza.

With extra pepperoni!

I know that would work at my house.

Pete Mitchell’s “In America” column appears every other Monday. He lives in Geneva. Contact him at [email protected].

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